1. Prep the Gear
• Wash your harness and toy with a gentle fragrance free soap
• Rinse thoroughly and pat dry with a clean towel
• Inspect every part for cracks tears or loose fittings and replace anything worn
2. Lubricate Generously
• Use water based lube on silicone toys to protect material integrity
• Silicone based lubes may degrade silicone toys, reserve them for non silicone toys only
• Apply water based lube to the toy, your fingers, and your partner’s entrance
• Cover the toy with a condom each time you use it, adding hygiene and making cleanup easier
• Keep extra lube within arms reach, and reapply whenever needed
3. Warm Up with Fingers
• Begin with one well lubricated finger inserting it slowly and allowing time to relax
• Once comfortable add a second finger at the same gentle pace
• Introduce a third finger only when the first two feel fully accommodated
• Use your fingers to stretch the hole until it’s roughly the same diameter as the dildo to gauge readiness
• Watch for relaxed breathing loose muscles and positive cues before moving on
4. Harness Fit and Comfort
• Adjust straps so the harness is snug but not painful
• Ensure the toy sits centered and does not shift or tilt
• Test stability with a few gentle thrusts before deeper play
5. Entry Technique
• Angle the toy slightly toward the small of the back to follow natural curves
• Push only as far as your partner invites, pausing if they clench or burn
• Start with shallow strokes to build trust and arousal before going deeper
6. Vary Your Rhythm
• Combine short teasing pumps with longer deeper thrusts
• Hold the toy at its deepest point for a moment to heighten intensity
• Use one hand on the base for control while caressing their body with the other
7. Reading Body Language
• Watch breathing: shallow or rapid breaths can signal excitement or discomfort
• Notice muscle tension: relaxed bodies welcome deeper play, tightness means pause
• Observe facial cues: moans and soft expressions are good, grimaces or clenched jaws indicate pain
• Stay attentive to subtle shifts such as leaning in arching back or curling fingers
8. Handling Messes
• Do not panic if there’s a mess, it can and does happen!
• Keep a towel or wipes handy for quick cleanup
• If leakage becomes a problem, gently pause and ask your partner to clean out again
9. Hygiene and Toy Swaps
• Use a fresh condom on the toy when sharing between partners or orifices
• Replace condoms when switching from anal to vaginal play
• This keeps scenes hygienic and simplifies cleanup
10. Pre Scene Communication
• Discuss limits, desires and any areas of sensitivity beforehand
• Agree your partner will speak up immediately if they feel pain beyond normal stretching
• Establish a clear safeword or nonverbal signal for slowing down or stopping
11. Setting the Scene
• Lay out towels, toys, and lube within easy reach
• Dim the lights or use soft lamps for atmosphere
• Play music that matches the mood you want to create
• A prepared confident approach sets the tone for surrender
12. Recommended Positions
• Legs up missionary for direct control and eye contact
• Edge of the bed entry with your partner on the edge and you kneeling or standing
• Doggy, but go slow! This can be a more intense starting position.
13. Proper Toy Cleaning
• Wash non porous toys such as silicone and metal in warm soapy water after every use.
• Rinse thoroughly and pat or air dry on a clean towel
• Follow up with a dedicated toy cleaner (for example, LELO Toy Cleaner, Sliquid Shine, or JO Clean) to remove any lingering oils, bacteria, or residue from condoms and lube.
• Wipe down harness straps with a damp cloth and apply leather conditioner if needed
• Ensure all components are fully dry before storing to prevent mold or bacteria
14. Aftercare and Storage
• Offer water, cuddles, and reassurance, emotional care is as important as physical
• Store harness and toy in a cool dry place ready for next time
Practice these steps. Stay attentive, and keep communication open. A skilled caring top ensures every session is safe, and unforgettable!